Wrestling Is Not Entertainment

Dear Josh:

Wrestling is not entertainment. I understand how it can seem to be a portrayal of the survival of the fittest, on a superficial and completely braindead level. But it shouldn't be watched. It is, in fact, completely unwatchable.

Many people speculate on whether or not wrestling is real or faked. This is like asking if a bowel movement is relatively well-formed; it is not worth asking. Wrestling is faked. And it is overwhelmingly retarded. It is surprising how many professed 'homophobes' suddenly raise the crane at the sight of two grunting oiled men rubbing each other gently.

Drama, when done right, can be suspenseful; beautiful; exciting. Wrestling is not drama. That screaming and grunting and hateful bickering before somebody makes a 'surprise' chair hit? The one that happens at least once every week? That's put in there for a reason. It's so the mouth-breathers who watch wrestling can remember that there are two men, who have gay-sounding names like 'The Penetrator', who want to fight each other. Damn it, it's used to JUSTIFY the fact that they're basically going to have violent homoerotic sex on national television. You can see the exact same thing happen a block away from the Hard Rock Casino, in the alley behind the Gypsy Motel. Except those guys only make $10 per session.

I don't know why you get so excited, like some sort of ritalin-enhanced ape, whenever this happens. You literally scream and jump up and down. The concept of naming moves is not a new thing. Video games do this. Cartoons do this. Heck. Normal people do this. Remember the 'Locomotion'? The 'Running Man'? The 'Roger Rabbit'? Do those things make you think of gaysexuals? Because the men who did those dances, in my opinion, were the kind of men who tended to have loving, tender sex with each other.

STOP. Just please, get a better hobby.