Text Dirty To Me

I love chat clients. Mostly, this is because I want to make sure that nobody is out of reach of my massive, virile, sexy wit. But I understand that people want to use chat to, essentially, bring the circle jerk into the modern era.

Of course, most people want to ensure that the person that they're engaging at least pretends to be of the opposite gender. Most people don't like finding a ding-dong in their pack of ho-ho's, and that's okay. The point, of course, is to pretend that sexually attractive people actually waste time online, talking to complete losers.

Well, I do, so I guess there is a chance for the rest of you.

The problem is that nobody's going to willingly install a skankometer of any make or model unless they know what it is. That's why the industry changed the name, people. Observe:

Engineer: I've invented a way to find dirty girls online.
CEO: Tell me more.
Engineer: It's basically a bunch of sensors. Breathalyzer, visual index, pheromone meter, etc.
CEO: And how much will this cost?
Engineer: It's our projection that the EasyMeter will cost around $300 to produce.
CEO: That's a little expensive for our production facilities.
Engineer: Well, we could remove some functionality and still have a functionally complete product.
CEO: And what kind of name is EasyMeter? It sounds like something old people use to measure how brittle their bones are. We need to draw people into the fact that this is all internet based.
Engineer: Well, what kind of parameters should we scale to?
CEO: What's the easiest way to measure the sweet ho-tasticness of a person?
Engineer: Technically, all we have to do is make an avenue for people to exploit their ripe, underage bodies online, and let the viewers sift through the cruft.
CEO: Damn straight. Call it the webcam. Let's drink some scotch.

I have it on full authority that this is word-for-word a direct and honest account of the exact conversation that actually happened. See, there's no way that something that exploits complete idiots could possibly be created unless they then ran it by me, out of sheer awe for my fantastic manliness, to make sure that it got one-million-percent exploitation. Don't believe me? Witness this blog. It's on Google. It's basically a free content generator for Google ads. On the day they released blogger, they called me and we went down to the strip bar and hashed it all out. Then a bunch of midget Elvis impersonators came in and we all laughed, because midget Elvis is the most hilarious thing in the world.