If Google Was Evil You'd Already Be Pwned

I seriously don't know what is up with the anti-Google conspiracy theorists. There's a massive chunk of web-paranoids out there too busy dreaming up new almond-flavored Kool-Aids to live a little. Yes, Google is all up in your bidness. It's not like you had to ever use their search engine or their services.

Compared to the thousands of ads the internet soaks you in, Google's ads are small, non-intrusive, and on occasion, even useful. I'm sure that if I've clicked on any ads in the past year (and I have) that they were all Google ads. I'm like a fucking web ninja. I load a page with frame-breakers, pop-unders, and floater ads, and I just weed through that shit like a coked-up gorilla on a banana rampage. John Woo needs to watch me surf the internet and film it for the mass populace. If modern windowing systems allowed it, I'd have the serious two-mouse ambidextrous ad-closing action going on.

I can see the trailers now. "In a world... where ads have taken over." Fade from white. Closeup of scanning eyes. Two arrow cursors, flying around the screen. That be tight, yo. When the US Army shows up to ask me to protect them from our mighty AJAX overlords, I'll be riding shotgun in front of a thousand virtual screen-sharing clients protecting our brave countrymen from V1agr@.

So anyways, yes. Google knows that you buy an unseemly quantity of underwear and bacon salt. Get over it. If you don't want to be tracked, do what I do and use Wikipedia as your web portal. It's not like there's anything else on the internet worth reading anyways.