Drop all $40 into a nickel slot machine, hoping to earn dinner. Win nothing. Curl up into a ball on the CAT bus and cry.
Day 2
Today will be better. Buy a $7 book on beating the blackjack system from the hotel gift shop. Win $200 at the table, then blow it all on trying to get the girl who blew on your dice to come to the motel with you. Earn a comped meal at the buffet; stuff yourself silly. Take the bus to the casino reputed to have the "loosest slots in town". Lose $20. Spend the rest trying to win at blackjack again.
Day 3
Wake up at 2am. Grab three 97 cent breakfasts at Arizona Charlie's. Once eating is no longer a problem, learn to get free drinks by playing the longest lasting, cheapest games ever. Welcome to electronic horse racing machines. Stumble out at 10am with $33 in pocket. Become overwhelmed by the sun. Upon entering the next casino, be accosted by a man who will "totally hook you up". Do a line. Wander back and forth on the sidewalk for hours counting people who pass by and sorting them by hair color. Go back into casino; win $50 playing video poker. Look for that guy again. Go up and down the Strip looking for drug dealers. Discover Sin City, where everyone is a drug dealer, even the nice couple with the pram who just want to earn "enough money for a taxi ride home". Chase the dragon in your motel room, illuminated by yellow light.
Day 4
You're starting to be a pro at this. Disdain Arizona Charlies for an even cheaper 88 cent breakfast downtown. Begin to recognize that 'lucky feeling'. Play the ponies until lucky feeling multiplies by several orders of magnitude, aided in no small way by single-malt scotch. Assume that Circus-Circus, because of its gaudy and frankly scary theme, is actually the best place to gamble. Learn that this isn't true after 2 hours and $20. Score free popcorn. Drunkenly stumble across the street to the Riviera, where your first quarter in the slot machine nets you $10. Try to play Blackjack. Win more money. Play roulette. Make even more money. Lose it all at the craps table. Become frustrated when the pawn shops close and you cannot hock your wedding ring.
Day 5
Breakfast; ponies; drunk. Hock wedding ring for $50. Prepare to make your last day in Vegas count. Make a small profit at the tables. Get bored with gambling. Look for a prostitute. Wonder why 'she' doesn't do straight sex. Go along with it anyways. Develop canker sore in sensitive area a few hours later. Give up and head back to the airport. Buy cheap lookalike wedding ring in McCarran duty-free shop that seems to carry nothing but knockoffs of wedding rings, pearl necklaces, and prosthetic limbs. Get on plane to fly back home. Become outraged when you realize that you have to pay for your drink. Try to sleep. Realize you can't sleep without the sounds of gunfire, drug deals, and slot machines.
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