- All reality is made of tiny, one-dimensional strings.
- Reality is therefore null-terminated.
- Reality is strongly typed.
- Reality at its lowest level is not subject to recursion.
- Thanks to Einstein, we know that time() returns char*[].
7.31.2007
The Universe
If superstring theory is real, that leaves us with a few shocking facts to sift through:
Mail Order Bride
Last time I tried to get one, they forgot to poke air holes in the box. I returned her and got a refund; she didn't taste anything like they said she would.
7.26.2007
On Waking Up And Finding Everyone Frozen At Absolute Zero
As I warm to this Edward Scissorhands wonderland
I think to myself what I might have done
To secure your attention.
You keep my drink nice and cool.
Like some thermos of desire.
As I switch heads of people standing in line
Realizing that even my motion generates kelvin
To end this dream.
My heat is the crucible of the world;
But your heads are switched, so we are Even.
I range on and on,
Moving people into awkward and embarassing positions,
Taking candid photographs for blackmail purposes.
Eventually everyone will thaw.
Or I will freeze.
But hopefully I won't freeze like you,
With my pants around my ankles
And several cups balanced precariously on my head.
I think to myself what I might have done
To secure your attention.
You keep my drink nice and cool.
Like some thermos of desire.
As I switch heads of people standing in line
Realizing that even my motion generates kelvin
To end this dream.
My heat is the crucible of the world;
But your heads are switched, so we are Even.
I range on and on,
Moving people into awkward and embarassing positions,
Taking candid photographs for blackmail purposes.
Eventually everyone will thaw.
Or I will freeze.
But hopefully I won't freeze like you,
With my pants around my ankles
And several cups balanced precariously on my head.
7.25.2007
Super Smash Bros Brawl
Brawl finally has a release date, which means GameStop will let you preorder it.
As a fan of the series, I must have this game. I need to teach my son the meaning of total and abject humiliation. You know. Before some skank does in college.
As a fan of the series, I must have this game. I need to teach my son the meaning of total and abject humiliation. You know. Before some skank does in college.
7.23.2007
Adultery List
If I had a list of people I would leave my wife for, I think it would look like this, just to piss her off:
1. ANYONE
2. Even someone disgustingly obese.
3. Even someone disgustingly obese and like nine hundred years old.
4. Even men.
5. Even certain barnyard animals.
6. Or animals from San Diego Zoo. Or, you know. From Earth. Or Mars.
7. Maybe even plant life. As long as it's not mildew.
8. Maybe even mathematical concepts. Or laws of physics.
9. They don't so much have to be 'laws'. They could be 'theories'. Or even just really good ideas.
10. They don't even need to be good ideas. Not really even viable. "Let's go down to Tijuana and start a bar fight"? C'mere, you sexy concept you.
11. Hitler. Or, lacking a Hitler, Hitler's brain in a jar down in Argentina.
1. ANYONE
2. Even someone disgustingly obese.
3. Even someone disgustingly obese and like nine hundred years old.
4. Even men.
5. Even certain barnyard animals.
6. Or animals from San Diego Zoo. Or, you know. From Earth. Or Mars.
7. Maybe even plant life. As long as it's not mildew.
8. Maybe even mathematical concepts. Or laws of physics.
9. They don't so much have to be 'laws'. They could be 'theories'. Or even just really good ideas.
10. They don't even need to be good ideas. Not really even viable. "Let's go down to Tijuana and start a bar fight"? C'mere, you sexy concept you.
11. Hitler. Or, lacking a Hitler, Hitler's brain in a jar down in Argentina.
7.20.2007
Medical Invulnerability
1. Cavities, known to excommunicated medical torturers as dental caries, happen when you neglect to brush after putting ANYTHING in your mouth, including open-mouthed breathing or kissing or what have you. For these purposes, you should coat your teeth in clear nail polish each morning.
2. Always bring high-proof alcohol to any gathering, ever. I mean, if there's only one syringe to share, you'll be the popular one, as you're the only one around who'll be able to sterilize it between injections.
3. When you see someone bleeding heavily, collect as much of it as you can, even if you have to lacerate your own hands and store some of it in your blood vessels for transportation to the hospital. Remember: modern science lets doctors tack missing fingers and toes back on. They've been doing blood transfusions for literally ages.
4. If you come upon a fellow diner choking in a restaurant, immediately fill your lungs with air, pucker up, and blow that offending chunk straight down their esophagus.
5. If your prostitute has suspicious sores on her mouth, just pay the extra money for a full on lay.
2. Always bring high-proof alcohol to any gathering, ever. I mean, if there's only one syringe to share, you'll be the popular one, as you're the only one around who'll be able to sterilize it between injections.
3. When you see someone bleeding heavily, collect as much of it as you can, even if you have to lacerate your own hands and store some of it in your blood vessels for transportation to the hospital. Remember: modern science lets doctors tack missing fingers and toes back on. They've been doing blood transfusions for literally ages.
4. If you come upon a fellow diner choking in a restaurant, immediately fill your lungs with air, pucker up, and blow that offending chunk straight down their esophagus.
5. If your prostitute has suspicious sores on her mouth, just pay the extra money for a full on lay.
7.18.2007
Forever Diabetic
Dear Josh:
After sending you the link about the games, you told me you will be retiring from GameStop and hopefully getting on disability, because now the horrible diabetes has started to give you hypoglycemic seizures that make you bite your tongue and die a little inside.
You have always been the diabetic in the group. In fact, if I were your campaign speechwriter and you were running for president and I had to make a list of the three most important, world-changing things you've done, number one would be: Has Diabetes.
It's what makes you special, and what helps me tell you apart from all the other meatbags who try to ride my coattails to utterly hip. Your diabetes, and the way we'd pour normal Mountain Dew into your wussy diet bottle just so we could watch you become horribly irrational and maybe pass out.
But don't worry. We've got your back on this one, compadre. While you're on disability, you'll have the perfect opportunity to stay at home and watch over the lab we're going to build. That's right. Me and all the guys, and whichever of the girls want to come along, are going to build a lab, and we're going to develop an immortality serum.
Crazy, no? I can tell by how silent you've become that you're stunned by our generosity and our brilliance. And to be honest, it was all my idea. But that's okay. This isn't about me.
This is about you.
Our hope is that we'll finish this before the sugar need shuts down your central nervous system, or at least before there's a new season of House MD on the air. Because we are totally committed to you. Until the fall season, at least.
One day you will wake up, and you will be immortal. And who knows, maybe you'll have laser eyes or some sweet cybernetic enhancements or mutant healing powers or something. You will be eternal. You will be forever diabetic.
You will watch all of us grow old, and play tricks on us like we used to do to you- moving our canes, or telling us you'll give us some immortality serum but then it turns out to be poison, or something like that. And we'll be like, Josh, that joker. What a riot. Except those of us that you gave poison to, because they'll be more like, gag, gag, a pox on you. And we'll all laugh.
One day the Earth will be incinerated, probably by you, on accident. And you will float in the cold depths of space, craving insulin. Planets will fear you as you descend upon their alien populations, craving their sweet, sweet pancreases.
They will send out their superheroes, but all their attempts will be futile, because if there's one thing extrasolar aliens aren't, it's American. And you'll be all, RAWR, and they'll build a statue of you with a plate and harvest virgin pancrei in mounds to lay upon it.
The way I see it, it'll all be pretty sweet, unless you get hit by a glucose comet or something. Just floating out there in space, wanting insulin, choking on your tongue.
BFF,
Me.
After sending you the link about the games, you told me you will be retiring from GameStop and hopefully getting on disability, because now the horrible diabetes has started to give you hypoglycemic seizures that make you bite your tongue and die a little inside.
You have always been the diabetic in the group. In fact, if I were your campaign speechwriter and you were running for president and I had to make a list of the three most important, world-changing things you've done, number one would be: Has Diabetes.
It's what makes you special, and what helps me tell you apart from all the other meatbags who try to ride my coattails to utterly hip. Your diabetes, and the way we'd pour normal Mountain Dew into your wussy diet bottle just so we could watch you become horribly irrational and maybe pass out.
But don't worry. We've got your back on this one, compadre. While you're on disability, you'll have the perfect opportunity to stay at home and watch over the lab we're going to build. That's right. Me and all the guys, and whichever of the girls want to come along, are going to build a lab, and we're going to develop an immortality serum.
Crazy, no? I can tell by how silent you've become that you're stunned by our generosity and our brilliance. And to be honest, it was all my idea. But that's okay. This isn't about me.
This is about you.
Our hope is that we'll finish this before the sugar need shuts down your central nervous system, or at least before there's a new season of House MD on the air. Because we are totally committed to you. Until the fall season, at least.
One day you will wake up, and you will be immortal. And who knows, maybe you'll have laser eyes or some sweet cybernetic enhancements or mutant healing powers or something. You will be eternal. You will be forever diabetic.
You will watch all of us grow old, and play tricks on us like we used to do to you- moving our canes, or telling us you'll give us some immortality serum but then it turns out to be poison, or something like that. And we'll be like, Josh, that joker. What a riot. Except those of us that you gave poison to, because they'll be more like, gag, gag, a pox on you. And we'll all laugh.
One day the Earth will be incinerated, probably by you, on accident. And you will float in the cold depths of space, craving insulin. Planets will fear you as you descend upon their alien populations, craving their sweet, sweet pancreases.
They will send out their superheroes, but all their attempts will be futile, because if there's one thing extrasolar aliens aren't, it's American. And you'll be all, RAWR, and they'll build a statue of you with a plate and harvest virgin pancrei in mounds to lay upon it.
The way I see it, it'll all be pretty sweet, unless you get hit by a glucose comet or something. Just floating out there in space, wanting insulin, choking on your tongue.
BFF,
Me.
Convoluted Stdout - Tales of a POSIX Porn Star
Derek over at Convoluted Theory is a good example of exactly where I'm lacking in the POSIX world. His most recent post on growing a RAID array has a set of instructions that look like Swahili. He just takes it all in stride, with that pissy uberlinux elitism, as if though one could go to McDonalds and order a RAID5 array with a side of extremely masculine pheromones.
For the sheer fun of having absolutely no idea what he's talking about, let's step through the instructions, which actually read like some underground extreme pornographic literature. After all, if there are instructions to do something on the Internet, it should be pretty easy to follow, right?
1. "Switch to single user and unmount the filesystem of the partition we’re going to grow."
"Switching to single user" sounds like something most people try to avoid. I'm not quite sure why he wants to "unmount" and do so, unless he's trying to be counter-trendy-trendy. You know, like those guys who hate something BEFORE IT EVEN COMES OUT, just to get a leg up on the apathy and elitism. Or maybe he just needs to unmount and switch to single user in order to "grow" his "partition", like the sick freak he is.
2. "add new disk as a hot spare, a la “mdadm –add /dev/md0 /dev/sdj1” "
I don't know what a hot spare is. I think it's like a hot intern, which is why he misspells "madam" in his little chat command, where he's obviously telling her to put slot device MD somewhere in the vicinity of his throbbing tab device SDJ1.
3. "Grow and cross our fingers: “mdadm –grow /dev/md0 –raid-devices=6”"
If he didn't 'grow' before that last command, then we're going to have issues. But the command is confusing- his 'hot spare' needs to grow as well? I'm not sure I like where this is going. He also makes a reference to having six 'devices', like some kind of multi-genitaled alien entity. This is where all kink is born, folks.
4. "expand FS. fdisk /dev/md0, delete partition and recreate. (this doesnt destroy all of your data, as one may think)."
After all those fervent pleadings for his partition to grow, it suddenly starts expanding. Of course, as soon as this happens, he freaks out, gets a closer look at the madam's device, and immediately deletes his partition, which totally destroys the mood and my metaphor. He also misspelled "procreate", though I have no idea how he thinks he's gonna do that after he just freaked out. This is the foreplay version of screaming in falsetto, punching the girl so she slumps over in the passenger seat, then immediately assuming the worst, getting the camp shovel out of your trunk, and looking for a place to bury the body. And trust me on this, it gets old way before you run out of places to dig holes.
5. "fsck.reiserfs /dev/md0"
ALRIGHT! This is the action. This is the 'meat' of the 'sequence'. This is the part you fast-forwarded to, the part you always tell yourself you're going to rewind to the beginning of afterwards even though you know you're just going to lose interest.
6. "resize_reiserfs /dev/md0"
Of course, one is likely spent after such a blazing display of machismo. This is where you fake needing to go to the bathroom so as to avoid the hugging, so you can satisfy your sudden and intense nicotine craving.
7. ?
The adrenaline coursing through his bloodstream is telling him to go on, but his partition has had enough.
8. "profit!"
I sure will, right after I eBay the tapes. Thanks much for not noticing me in the closet.
For the sheer fun of having absolutely no idea what he's talking about, let's step through the instructions, which actually read like some underground extreme pornographic literature. After all, if there are instructions to do something on the Internet, it should be pretty easy to follow, right?
1. "Switch to single user and unmount the filesystem of the partition we’re going to grow."
"Switching to single user" sounds like something most people try to avoid. I'm not quite sure why he wants to "unmount" and do so, unless he's trying to be counter-trendy-trendy. You know, like those guys who hate something BEFORE IT EVEN COMES OUT, just to get a leg up on the apathy and elitism. Or maybe he just needs to unmount and switch to single user in order to "grow" his "partition", like the sick freak he is.
2. "add new disk as a hot spare, a la “mdadm –add /dev/md0 /dev/sdj1” "
I don't know what a hot spare is. I think it's like a hot intern, which is why he misspells "madam" in his little chat command, where he's obviously telling her to put slot device MD somewhere in the vicinity of his throbbing tab device SDJ1.
3. "Grow and cross our fingers: “mdadm –grow /dev/md0 –raid-devices=6”"
If he didn't 'grow' before that last command, then we're going to have issues. But the command is confusing- his 'hot spare' needs to grow as well? I'm not sure I like where this is going. He also makes a reference to having six 'devices', like some kind of multi-genitaled alien entity. This is where all kink is born, folks.
4. "expand FS. fdisk /dev/md0, delete partition and recreate. (this doesnt destroy all of your data, as one may think)."
After all those fervent pleadings for his partition to grow, it suddenly starts expanding. Of course, as soon as this happens, he freaks out, gets a closer look at the madam's device, and immediately deletes his partition, which totally destroys the mood and my metaphor. He also misspelled "procreate", though I have no idea how he thinks he's gonna do that after he just freaked out. This is the foreplay version of screaming in falsetto, punching the girl so she slumps over in the passenger seat, then immediately assuming the worst, getting the camp shovel out of your trunk, and looking for a place to bury the body. And trust me on this, it gets old way before you run out of places to dig holes.
5. "fsck.reiserfs /dev/md0"
ALRIGHT! This is the action. This is the 'meat' of the 'sequence'. This is the part you fast-forwarded to, the part you always tell yourself you're going to rewind to the beginning of afterwards even though you know you're just going to lose interest.
6. "resize_reiserfs /dev/md0"
Of course, one is likely spent after such a blazing display of machismo. This is where you fake needing to go to the bathroom so as to avoid the hugging, so you can satisfy your sudden and intense nicotine craving.
7. ?
The adrenaline coursing through his bloodstream is telling him to go on, but his partition has had enough.
8. "profit!"
I sure will, right after I eBay the tapes. Thanks much for not noticing me in the closet.
For Which We Should Be Truly Thankful
I keep seeing these $30-a-pop pieces of Mac software that look like simple GUI wrapped around streamlining a built-in Cocoa process. Mind you, I don't know Cocoa yet, so this may not be the case, but the functionality seems like it's at least partly implemented in the operating system.
The thought of doing this shareware kind of bugged me until yesterday, when I remembered that for decent ssh on Win32, you had to get SecureCRT (there's likely better open source alternatives now). I'm certain I type ssh about three thousand times in a single work week. I probably don't even need half the shareware stuff if I know Unix, but how can you not have a secure socket client?
The thought of doing this shareware kind of bugged me until yesterday, when I remembered that for decent ssh on Win32, you had to get SecureCRT (there's likely better open source alternatives now). I'm certain I type ssh about three thousand times in a single work week. I probably don't even need half the shareware stuff if I know Unix, but how can you not have a secure socket client?
Metalheads Talking
The names have been altered, to preserve your waning sanity. That's right, yours. Not theirs. If I give out actual names, you may be forced to recognize the fact that these people actually exist.
Cale: So this guy pushes up next to me, right? And he's a big motherfucker. He's like, 6'10", two-eighty. So I reach down in my pocket for my blade, right? And after I whip it out, he just kinda backs up and his eyes get all big. "No, no, I didn't mean anything by it."
Dan: Fuck, right?
Music: fuck fuck fuck damn shit eyesocket nightmare dramamine shitfuck bitchdamn shitbitch
Cale: This is a fucking wicked track right here. Check this solo.
Music: (sounds like a guitar in the last throes of a grand mal seizure, right before its wire heart explodes)
Dan: Fuck, right?
DawgDawg: I need to get up on out of this bitch coming up soon, I got to get in to the station hella early in the morning.
Dan: Fuck, right?
Cale: That's some shit, man. (air guitars for a little while, then starts singing) fuck! fuck! fuck! shitfuck eyesocket!
Dan: Fuck, right?
DawgDawg: Oh, man, did I tell you I just picked up this wicked ass blade? Has a dragon masturbating engraved into the hilt. I'm callin it the Jedi Excalibur SlayBlade.
Cale: Aw, man. Reminds me of the WykkydSlashr I picked up last weekend.
Dan: Fuck, right?
Cale: So this guy pushes up next to me, right? And he's a big motherfucker. He's like, 6'10", two-eighty. So I reach down in my pocket for my blade, right? And after I whip it out, he just kinda backs up and his eyes get all big. "No, no, I didn't mean anything by it."
Dan: Fuck, right?
Music: fuck fuck fuck damn shit eyesocket nightmare dramamine shitfuck bitchdamn shitbitch
Cale: This is a fucking wicked track right here. Check this solo.
Music: (sounds like a guitar in the last throes of a grand mal seizure, right before its wire heart explodes)
Dan: Fuck, right?
DawgDawg: I need to get up on out of this bitch coming up soon, I got to get in to the station hella early in the morning.
Dan: Fuck, right?
Cale: That's some shit, man. (air guitars for a little while, then starts singing) fuck! fuck! fuck! shitfuck eyesocket!
Dan: Fuck, right?
DawgDawg: Oh, man, did I tell you I just picked up this wicked ass blade? Has a dragon masturbating engraved into the hilt. I'm callin it the Jedi Excalibur SlayBlade.
Cale: Aw, man. Reminds me of the WykkydSlashr I picked up last weekend.
Dan: Fuck, right?
Buying Anime Related Games
Dear Josh:
I remember how thrilled you were when you got your job at Gamestop. You were so fantastically happy that you forgot to lube up before watching WWE, giving yourself a severe indian burn. I remember how you wept like a child and then grabbed a tube of Icy Hot, calming yourself with a furious One Piece lolicon strokefest. And I must say, I have never seen you with such zeal for life, or four year old animated girls.
That having been said, I can't say I particularly agree with your game selection "skillz". I think that Naruto is a raging homosexual plant by an interstellar alien conspiracy with the nefarious goals of making all your 'boy batter' somehow 'belong to them'. The fact that the lengthy interlude between me going into a video game store and me leaving is rendered pointless by your insipid recommendations for every animated action-pedophilia title under the sun.
Going into a video game store used to be like going into an adult video store. I would be left alone and blissful with the promise of a new encounter behind every friendly box cover. And, much like an adult video store, the guys on the covers of the fighting games are making horrible "O" faces.
Seriously, Josh. The monumental tide of waste must stop. There are games that do not involve tentacles. For instance, Day of No Fucking Tentacles. I wish I could say that was just an ad hom and not the kind of "action" I get every time I buy something you recommend. I'd like to introduce you to something called Taste, as soon as I stop buying games long enough to purchase a two by four and a nail.
Thank you,
Me.
I remember how thrilled you were when you got your job at Gamestop. You were so fantastically happy that you forgot to lube up before watching WWE, giving yourself a severe indian burn. I remember how you wept like a child and then grabbed a tube of Icy Hot, calming yourself with a furious One Piece lolicon strokefest. And I must say, I have never seen you with such zeal for life, or four year old animated girls.
That having been said, I can't say I particularly agree with your game selection "skillz". I think that Naruto is a raging homosexual plant by an interstellar alien conspiracy with the nefarious goals of making all your 'boy batter' somehow 'belong to them'. The fact that the lengthy interlude between me going into a video game store and me leaving is rendered pointless by your insipid recommendations for every animated action-pedophilia title under the sun.
Going into a video game store used to be like going into an adult video store. I would be left alone and blissful with the promise of a new encounter behind every friendly box cover. And, much like an adult video store, the guys on the covers of the fighting games are making horrible "O" faces.
Seriously, Josh. The monumental tide of waste must stop. There are games that do not involve tentacles. For instance, Day of No Fucking Tentacles. I wish I could say that was just an ad hom and not the kind of "action" I get every time I buy something you recommend. I'd like to introduce you to something called Taste, as soon as I stop buying games long enough to purchase a two by four and a nail.
Thank you,
Me.
7.17.2007
Compile
gcc -o myprog myprog.c myfunc.c funnyquotes.c buffer.c overflow.c -g -c -O2 -v --holy_gnatE -gnatf -fnord -secret_of_life -99_bottles_of_beer -Wuninitialized -zomg -yawn -ihateyou...
The Logic Of Booze: Fallacies of Relevance
Argumentum Ad Lapidem
Dismissal as absurd without pointing out the reasons the argument is absurd.
Implying that my heavy drinking caused blindness is simply ridiculous.
Accident (a dicto simpliciter ad dictum secundum quid)
Dismissing or destroying the logical exception to a case.
I must be drunk, there's an empty bottle in front of me. (even though there are several potential exceptions).
Argumentum Ad Ignorantiam
Dismissing a subject from ignorance.
I never saw any bouncer, pour me a drink.
Argumentum A Silentio
Dismissing a subject because of lack of references in an argument; second-person ignorance.
You obviously don't know where another bar is.
Argumentum Ad Populum
Known as 'the authority of many'.
Millions of people drink regularly without a hitch, pour me another.
Plurium Interrogationum
The fallacy of complex (loaded) questions with insufficient options.
Do you still throw up after one drink? (the subject may have never had this condition.)
Argumentum Ad Temperantium
Argument of temperance; middle ground; argument of compromise.
You say I shouldn't drink and I say I should; pour me a single.
Argumentum Ad Hominem
Arguing as an attack of person.
You only say I shouldn't drink because you're a booze nazi.
Argumentum Ad Verecundiam
Arguing due to assumed authority.
Doctors are saying that booze is good for you now, so let's have it.
Argumentum Ad Antiquitatum
Arguments of tradition.
Mankind has been mostly drunk throughout history, why stop now?
Argumentum Ad Crumenam
Arguments of wealth.
If you're smart enough to know when to stop drinking, why aren't you rich?
Argumentum Ad Lazarum
Arguments of poverty.
Of course homeless people drink. They're poor.
Reductio Ad Nazium
Obvious, innit?
Booze nazi.
So if you can remember all this high flown Latin in a barroom, well, then, you must not have been paying attention.
Dismissal as absurd without pointing out the reasons the argument is absurd.
Implying that my heavy drinking caused blindness is simply ridiculous.
Accident (a dicto simpliciter ad dictum secundum quid)
Dismissing or destroying the logical exception to a case.
I must be drunk, there's an empty bottle in front of me. (even though there are several potential exceptions).
Argumentum Ad Ignorantiam
Dismissing a subject from ignorance.
I never saw any bouncer, pour me a drink.
Argumentum A Silentio
Dismissing a subject because of lack of references in an argument; second-person ignorance.
You obviously don't know where another bar is.
Argumentum Ad Populum
Known as 'the authority of many'.
Millions of people drink regularly without a hitch, pour me another.
Plurium Interrogationum
The fallacy of complex (loaded) questions with insufficient options.
Do you still throw up after one drink? (the subject may have never had this condition.)
Argumentum Ad Temperantium
Argument of temperance; middle ground; argument of compromise.
You say I shouldn't drink and I say I should; pour me a single.
Argumentum Ad Hominem
Arguing as an attack of person.
You only say I shouldn't drink because you're a booze nazi.
Argumentum Ad Verecundiam
Arguing due to assumed authority.
Doctors are saying that booze is good for you now, so let's have it.
Argumentum Ad Antiquitatum
Arguments of tradition.
Mankind has been mostly drunk throughout history, why stop now?
Argumentum Ad Crumenam
Arguments of wealth.
If you're smart enough to know when to stop drinking, why aren't you rich?
Argumentum Ad Lazarum
Arguments of poverty.
Of course homeless people drink. They're poor.
Reductio Ad Nazium
Obvious, innit?
Booze nazi.
So if you can remember all this high flown Latin in a barroom, well, then, you must not have been paying attention.
How Do I Say 'Cinnamony'?
Missy: okay maybe i'll use proper grammar and just say "lots of cinnamon"
Me: you can be creative. there are other words in the english language.
Missy: wow, i haven't used html in a while. i'm having to dig this stuff up out of my brain a bit
Me: "tainted". "bloated". "drenched". "spiked".
Me: encrusted. imbued. FORGED IN DARK RIVERS OF MOLTEN CINNAMON IN THE DEPTHS OF THE SWEET ROCK CANDY MOUNTAIN.
Missy: yeah my brain wasn't thinking that
Me: you can be creative. there are other words in the english language.
Missy: wow, i haven't used html in a while. i'm having to dig this stuff up out of my brain a bit
Me: "tainted". "bloated". "drenched". "spiked".
Me: encrusted. imbued. FORGED IN DARK RIVERS OF MOLTEN CINNAMON IN THE DEPTHS OF THE SWEET ROCK CANDY MOUNTAIN.
Missy: yeah my brain wasn't thinking that
eMusic
Search: Wizo
** One track on compilation album found.
Search: Bad Religion
** All albums except the one you're looking for (Recipe For Hate) found.
Search: Neko Case
** You already bought all these albums, please notch up your pretension meter.
Search: Annoying Repetitive Emopop
** Ten billion records found.
[Click one at random]
Sample review, run through the satire filter:
***** ZOMG! by ICutMyself
This band is the epitome of feeling. Listen to the raw power of the whining. If you say this band sucks u have no taste so go fuck urself
________
Or the following. I've done you the favor of italicizing the fnords:
** This band used to be good but sucks by HeardFirstFiveSeconds
They used to be awesome but Emo McPoppyPants stopped doing heroin. I suggest you move on and listen to their double-bootlegged 1978 concert album, "Yay I Hurt". There was an evocation of haunting melody in their dynamic power ballads. Their core repertoire has since been hurt when an argument threatened to split up the band, a rivalry between frontman Emo and bassist Fibber Michelob.
_________
Wash, rinse, repeat. Gawsh. I certainly understand the obsessive need to detail the history of anything I'm well acquainted with, but band histories are almost always the same. You could write a flowchart.
Despite these hangups, eMusic has actually been pretty fantastic. I've heard the artists don't like it so much, so as tracks get switched on iTunes I'll likely start buying DRM-free tracks there.
** One track on compilation album found.
Search: Bad Religion
** All albums except the one you're looking for (Recipe For Hate) found.
Search: Neko Case
** You already bought all these albums, please notch up your pretension meter.
Search: Annoying Repetitive Emopop
** Ten billion records found.
[Click one at random]
Sample review, run through the satire filter:
***** ZOMG! by ICutMyself
This band is the epitome of feeling. Listen to the raw power of the whining. If you say this band sucks u have no taste so go fuck urself
________
Or the following. I've done you the favor of italicizing the fnords:
** This band used to be good but sucks by HeardFirstFiveSeconds
They used to be awesome but Emo McPoppyPants stopped doing heroin. I suggest you move on and listen to their double-bootlegged 1978 concert album, "Yay I Hurt". There was an evocation of haunting melody in their dynamic power ballads. Their core repertoire has since been hurt when an argument threatened to split up the band, a rivalry between frontman Emo and bassist Fibber Michelob.
_________
Wash, rinse, repeat. Gawsh. I certainly understand the obsessive need to detail the history of anything I'm well acquainted with, but band histories are almost always the same. You could write a flowchart.
Despite these hangups, eMusic has actually been pretty fantastic. I've heard the artists don't like it so much, so as tracks get switched on iTunes I'll likely start buying DRM-free tracks there.
Turducken
class Animal < ActiveRecord::Base
def stuff
_ = Animals.find('conditions'=>"size < '#{self.size}'")
if _
self.stuffed = _
self.stuffed.stuff
end
end
end
7.16.2007
Wikipedia Is Having Traffic Problems
shitshitshitshitshit I don't know how to use the rest of the internet...
Wikipedia is the new AOL.
Wikipedia is the new AOL.
I Heard It On Slashdot
...but even though I helpfully first-posted that the article was a dupe of something from last week and that the submitter can't spell and that this isn't news anyways because #{big_company} always does #{action} (holy crap I should report stock trends), I received no karma for the transaction.
Can you spare a quarter?
Can you spare a quarter?
Anti-Apple Propaganda
PC: It's been scientifically proven that by buying Apple, you are buying into a cultish ideology that's dramatically more expensive than a PC. And nobody cares enough to send you virii anyways. And I have like twenty times more games than you. And if you didn't pay for that expensive computer, you could have bought like two PCs.
iFan: Hold on, I've got rebuffs for those arguments here and here...
PC: You expect me to read that fanboy drivel?
PC: Hold on, brb
* Quits (PC: No route to host)
iFan: Hold on, I've got rebuffs for those arguments here and here...
PC: You expect me to read that fanboy drivel?
PC: Hold on, brb
* Quits (PC: No route to host)
Pro-Apple Propaganda
iDrone: I am a master of debunksmanship, cruising mightily across the internet and quelling the drones of MicroSlave bloggers.
iDrone: And Steve Jobs is a snappy dresser.
iDrone: And everybody who thinks otherwise is a PC-using idiot whose computer spams urls to kiddie porn without their knowledge.
FunGrrl69: Why are you telling this to me?
iDrone: And Steve Jobs is a snappy dresser.
iDrone: And everybody who thinks otherwise is a PC-using idiot whose computer spams urls to kiddie porn without their knowledge.
FunGrrl69: Why are you telling this to me?
That Mario Batali Dislikes Food Blogs
Link
Roommate: Dude, did you see what they said about Sandra Lee on this recipe review?
Mario: Dude, that is so not right. She's a nice person. A lot of people cook using prepared ingredients.
Roommate: There's tons of reviews like these.
Mario: I wish there were some sort of wifi asskicking one could deliver in these situations.
Roommate: Dude, did you see what they said about Sandra Lee on this recipe review?
Mario: Dude, that is so not right. She's a nice person. A lot of people cook using prepared ingredients.
Roommate: There's tons of reviews like these.
Mario: I wish there were some sort of wifi asskicking one could deliver in these situations.
Web 2.0
The corners of the images have been rounded off so as to not harm any users. In addition, we've built all the functionality into clever-looking flashy things that will confuse you, but if you're Timothy Leary it will blow your socks right off.
FastCGI, Mongrel, LigHTTPd
Magical runes that make my web scripts work; I feel guilty for not having learned about them in depth but I'm still plumbing the interesting depths of BSD, like mkfifo.
I wonder if I could make a pipe that routes to devices based on content type?
When all you have is a hammer, everyone around you starts to look like a nail.
I wonder if I could make a pipe that routes to devices based on content type?
When all you have is a hammer, everyone around you starts to look like a nail.
Have you seen PEAR?
Just because I have to write PHP instead of an actually decent language doesn't mean I care in the least what advances are being made to it.
If somebody had to create a CPAN-like repository for a language that Zend has optimized to have eight different completely useless recursive array diff-ing functions with conflicting argument structure just because they couldn't be arsed to dig through the layers of the PHP manual for the one magic function that actually does exactly what you need, well, that's like putting a swiss army knife gadget IN A SWISS ARMY KNIFE.
Actually, I sorta want that.
If somebody had to create a CPAN-like repository for a language that Zend has optimized to have eight different completely useless recursive array diff-ing functions with conflicting argument structure just because they couldn't be arsed to dig through the layers of the PHP manual for the one magic function that actually does exactly what you need, well, that's like putting a swiss army knife gadget IN A SWISS ARMY KNIFE.
Actually, I sorta want that.
IHOP buys Applebees
Applebees is where bad people go when they die. It's the Olive Garden scaledown of McDonalds. And now it will be required by corporate policy to have mimosas on the menu.
This MP3 Is A Bunch Of Artists Doing A Popular Song
This MP3 is a shit-ass band from Wankerville, Kentucky.
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