World War ZZ

I accidentally unearthed the horrifying truth, that ZZ Top is composed entirely of zombies who hide their fetid, rotting corpseflesh behind their massive disguise beards of zombie evil. And what was that song they were famous for? Something about legs? It figures that demonic representatives of the unliving would be singing evil hippy music about human body parts.

Oh heavens, how many famous people have they gotten to!? They must have gotten to Kurt Cobain, except somebody found out and ended the zombie crisis before he could spread the disease. Or did they? Just like Paris Hilton's eyes, In Utero was kind of proof that he was completely dead inside. 

It's pretty obvious that the Cranberries were trying to warn us without alerting the zombie bigshots with that bizarre-ass video with the gold paint, conveniently called Zombie. In the middle of all the weird 90's alternative about the Friends of P or whatever, everybody just thought it was some song about war weariness or something and didn't realize that it was probably the most clear and important zombie warning in all of human history (PS- contemporary human history started with the American Oil Crisis of 1971).

Which mean the legions of flesh-eating dead have already gotten to the top rungs of society, breeding us like cattle, preparing us for bacteria-laden death with botox injections, and then having frequent snacks by promoting oral sex as an alternative to losing your maidenhead. I bet the reason there's so many strikes in Detroit is because the auto manufacturers have learned how to make zombie Mexicans, which doubtless work diligently on jobs requiring great manual dexterity twenty-four hours a day, JUST LIKE REAL MEXICANS.

Keep your eyes out. I'll keep you posted. I'll fight them off. I refuse to live in the Zombie States of America.