How To Write A Sentence

Hrm. You know what? Birds suck. Every time I see a bird shadow on the ground, I have to look up and make sure the bird isn't pooping, because I am convinced they all want to poop on me. Like some sort of conspiracy. Alright. This is good stuff. Let's type this up for my blog:

Birds are pretty gay.

Huh. That's not as hard-hitting as it should be. It's not really a very creative sentence at all, is it? And if I keep writing sentences like that, I'll lose all my funny, forever, like the guy who writes Dilbert. And nobody wants to be that unfunny. Because that would make all the clowns in the world cry.

What can I do? I can try to describe how gay birds are, I guess. Let's see, what's something else that's pretty gay?

Birds are pretty gay, sort of like shovels.

Where the hell did that come from? Shovels aren't gay. You use them to bury people. In fact, shovels are pretty fucking rad. Let's try this again.

Birds are pretty gay, sort of like gay people.

Nice one, Captain Obvious. Knock knock. Who's at the door? Creativity. And she's crying. Because of you.

Birds are pretty gay, like a planet made of asses that gets constantly bombarded by phallic meteors.

Okay, that's much more creative. But it's also geeky as hell. You're going to confuse the normals, and then they won't visit your site anymore, and it'll be all your fault, and you'll be unloved, forever, until you die and get put in a shallow grave with a tombstone that says "Here lies Tele, his website was shit."

Alright. Let's go back to the beginning and try again.

Birds are pretty gay.

Okay. Think. Think. How can I make this sentence better?

Birds are pretty fucking gay.

Perfect.