So anyways, apparently people out there have playlists of the sexing music, which are always hilarious because the playlists are always like six hours long and the last time I heard the end of one it felt like I was sharpening my babymaker against a grindstone. I heard the other day that Portishead makes it into these lists with astonishing regularity. In order to test this, I listened to some Portishead, just a few minutes ago, right here at work, and waited for the cavalry to muster. Instead, I got really bored. Portishead is slow, people. Very, very slow. Like, lullaby slow. I understand that people don't exactly fill their little secret playlists with death metal, but geez. On my groove-meter, Portishead ranks somewhere around "completely motionless". As in, "while this song is playing, why not take a little nap and dream about fishing on a very calm lake, which is made of Valium".
Maybe I just don't get it, because Fancy said that he could totally see the Portishead thing, although whenever he watches porn he's blasting Electric Six and King Missile as 'mood music'. Also, one time we were driving around downtown trying to find something to do and we saw these pretty hot tourist chicks wandering around the Fremont Street Experience, and the first thing he did was start blasting some Weird Al and pulled over in front of them and got their phone numbers, which all started with 011-something, so we knew they were totally fake and threw them away. Then we went to a bar and drank Tequila Blasters until everybody else passed out.
